Marry at What Age?

by Frederick Hoehn, copyright 2015, all rights reserved.  

Chapter 1

My Mother made the mistake, as a Christian, of marrying an unbeliever.  

We are told not to do so in 2 Corinthians 6:14--

 14 Don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship does righteousness have with unrighteousness?  And what communion does light have with darkness?
 15 And what agreement does Christ have with Belial?  Or what part does the believer have with an unbeliever?
 16 And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols?  For you are the temple of the living God, as God has said, "I will live in them, and walk in them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."
 17 "So, come out from among them, and be separate," says the Lord, "and don't touch the unclean thing, and I'll receive you,
 18 And will be a Father to you, and you'll be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

As a result of marrying an unbeliever, my Mother had a very rocky and unhappy marriage.  

But things weren't so easy for my Mother as a young woman.  She was one of nine children being raised by a single mother (my Grandmother).  

My Mother had to quit school and go to work to help support the family.

She completed high school later by going nights.  

She dated a man for quite a while, only to find out that he was the wrong one.  

One of the major decisions in life is which house to buy.  

But if it turns out that you bought a bad house, you can sell it and get another without ruining your life.  

In my case, I never got around to buying a house.  I just rent.  

But an even more important decision in life is whom to marry.  

We need to seek the Lord about whom to marry.  

But what if you're not a Christian?  Then step one for you is to become a Christian.

If you're not a Christian, your life is like a ship without a rudder, adrift upon the ocean, at the mercy of the winds and currents.  

More about becoming a Christian below.  

So then, there my Mother was, in her thirties and still single.  

She met my Dad, and they dated.  But he was not a Christian.  My Mother told me later that she expected that if she married my Dad, he would become a Christian.  

But sixty seven years of marriage went by, and Dad didn't become a Christian.  Then my Mother died and went to be with Jesus in heaven.

Later, my Dad died and went to a fiery hell, where their worms don't die, and where the fire is never quenched, where there's crying and gnashing of teeth (says Jesus).    

2 Cor 6:14 (above) tells us not to marry an unbeliever.

In fact, I would suggest that since dating is the road leading to marriage, don't even date an unbeliever.  

Don't date someone you couldn't marry.  

People need to pray to God about whom to marry.  And pray some more.  And pray some more.  And then pray some more.  

Otherwise, you could have, like my Mother, sixty seven years of an unhappy marriage.  

So my Mother was a Christian, but not my Dad.  

Later, when I was an adult, at a time when my Mother thought perhaps I could use some advice, she said, "You could talk to Dad about it."

I answered my mother, "A man on his way to heaven (me) doesn't need advice from a man on his way to hell (Dad)."  

Why would a Christian want to go to an unbeliever for advice?  

Jesus said that we Christians are the light of the world. (Matt 5:14)

Those who don't have Jesus are walking in darkness.  They don't know what they're stumbling at.  

The light doesn't need darkness.  

But there were things, when I was a youth, that a Christian Father would have talked to me about.  

Chapter 2

I remember walking near the church that I was attending as a youth.  The thought came to me, "Well, anyone can marry and have children, but let's do something for the Lord."

Not that I was thinking of never marrying, but just holding off on marrying for a while.  

And that's a noble purpose, to try to do something for the Lord, and I'm sure the Lord appreciates that intention.  

However in looking back, I believe one can hold off on marrying for longer than they should.  

And here's something else to consider.  

As a Christian, you not only want to do something for the Lord, but also, it's important that you get to heaven yourself.

If you win five thousand souls for Jesus, and then go to hell yourself, what good is that?

Jesus wants you to do for him, but he also wants you, personally, to wind up in heaven.  

As a youth, and even into my twenties, I don't remember a Pastor or Youth Leader or Choir Director or Elder or Deacon or older man at any of the churches that I attended ever taking me aside for some brotherly advice on the subject of marriage, as though these things just automatically work out for the best for people, and then everyone lives happily ever after.  

When I finally did marry, in my thirties, it lasted only four and one half years, and ended in divorce.  

Looking back, I rather think I would have done better to get serious about marring the right young woman early.  

I remember a very nice young lady at one church I attended.  And looking back, I wish I had paid more attention to her.  

Possibly, a reason that I didn't is that she was rather shorter in height than I was.

But then when I did marry, I married a short woman.

And there was another young woman at that church that I probably could have married.  A God-fearing Christian young woman, who probably would have made a very good wife.  

But at the time, I wasn't very serious about finding the right one.

No, I should have prayed a lot more, and asked the Lord about his will for my life.  

Consider these words from Proverbs chapt 31--

 10 Who can find a virtuous woman?  For her price is far above rubies.
 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
 13 She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands.
 14 She is like the merchants' ships, she brings her food from far.
 15 She arises also while it is still night, and gives food to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
 16 She considers a field, and buys it, with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
 17 She clothes her midsection with strength, and strengthens her arms.
 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, her candle doesn't go out at night.
 19 She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
 20 She stretches out her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with red cloth.
 22 She makes herself coverings of tapestry, her clothing is silk and purple.
 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
 24 She makes fine linen, and sells it, and delivers girdles to the merchant.
 25 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she'll be rejoicing in the future. 
 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the law of kindness is in her tongue.
 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and doesn't eat the bread of idleness.
 28 Her children get up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her.
 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all.
 30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.

If you're a single young man, ask the Lord who is that Prov chapt 31 woman for you.  

If you're a single young woman, ask the Lord who is the man for you to marry. 

When you pray, believe that you receive what you're asking for, and you'll have it.  

 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them.
 25 And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive your trespasses.
 26 But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses." (Mark 11:24-26)

Jesus said, "You MUST be born again." (John chapt 3)

To become a born-again Christian, obey Romans 10:9,10--

"That if you confess the Lord Jesus with your mouth, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you're saved.  For with the heart man believes for righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made for salvation."


___James chapter 1
 1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes that are dispersed around, greetings.
 2 My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various temptations,
 3 Knowing this, that the testing of your faith works patience.
 4 But let patience have its perfect work, so you'll be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God for it, who gives to all men liberally, and won't find fault, and it shall be given to him.
 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.  For he that wavers is like a wave of the sea driven by the wind and tossed.
 7 For let that man not think that he'll receive anything from the Lord.
 8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
 9 Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted,
 10 But the rich, in that he is made low, because as the flower of the grass he'll pass away.
 11 For the sun has no sooner risen with a burning heat, but it withers the grass, and the flower of it falls, and the grace of the fashion of it perishes, so also shall the rich man fade away in his ways.
 12 Blessed is the man that endures temptation, for after he's been tested, he'll receive the crown of life, that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
 13 Let no man say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God," for God can't be tempted with evil, nor does he tempt any man,
 14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed.
 15 Then when lust has conceived, it produces sin, and sin when it's finished, produces death.
 16 Do not err, my beloved brothers.
 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, nor shadow of turning.
 18 He chose to father us with the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.
 19 So, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger,
 20 For the anger of man doesn't accomplish the righteousness of God.
 21 So, lay apart all filthiness and the unnecessary naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
 22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like a man seeing his natural face in a mirror,
 24 For he sees himself, and goes his way, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.
 25 But whoever looks into the perfect law of liberty, and continues in it, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
 26 If any man among you seems to be religious, and doesn't bridle his tongue, but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is for nothing.
 27 Pure religion and undefiled before God the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

___James chapter 2
 1 My brothers, don't have the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.
 2 For if a man with a gold ring comes to your assembly in fancy clothes, and a poor man in dirty clothes comes in also,
 3 And you have respect to him that wears the fancy clothes, and say to him, "Sit here in a good place," and say to the poor, "Stand there, or sit here under my footstool,"
 4 Aren't you then partial in yourselves, and have become judges with evil thoughts?
 5 Listen, my beloved brothers, hasn't God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom that he has promised to those who love him?
 6 But you have despised the poor.  Don't rich men oppress you, and bring you before the judgment seats?
 7 Don't they blaspheme that worthy name by which you're called?
 8 If you fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, "You shall love your neighbor like yourself," you do well,
 9 But if you have respect of persons, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as sinners.
 10 For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
 11 For he that said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not kill."  Now if you don't commit adultery, yet if you kill, you've become a breaker of the law.
 12 Speak in such a way, and do, as those who'll be judged by the law of liberty.
 13 For he shall have judgment without mercy that has shown no mercy, and mercy rejoices against judgment.
 14 What does it profit, my brothers, though a man says he has faith, and doesn't have works?  Can faith save him?
 15 If a brother or sister needs clothes, and lacks daily food,
 16 And one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you don't give them the things that are needed for the body, what good is that?
 17 Even so faith, if it doesn't have works, is dead, being alone.
 18 Yes, a man could say, "You have faith, and I have works, show me your faith without your works, and I'll show you my faith by my works."
 19 You believe that there is one God, you do well, the devils also believe, and tremble.
 20 But don't you know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?
 21 Wasn't Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son on the altar?
 22 Do you see how faith worked with his deeds, and by works faith was made perfect?
 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness, and he was called the friend of God."
 24 You see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.
 25 Likewise also wasn't Rahab the prostitute justified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way?
 26 For like the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

___James chapter 3
 1 My brothers, don't be many masters, knowing that we'll receive the greater condemnation.
 2 For in many things we offend all.  If any man doesn't offend in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
 3 See, we put bits in the horses' mouths, so they'll obey us, and we turn around their whole bodies.
 4 Look also at the ships, which though they're so large, and are driven by fierce winds, yet they're turned around by a very small helm, wherever the captain wants.
 5 Even so, the tongue is a little member, and boasts great things.  See how great a matter a little fire kindles!
 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of sin, so is the tongue among our members that it makes dirty the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature, and it is set on fire by hell.
 7 For every kind of animals, and of birds, and of snakes, and of things in the sea, gets tamed, and has been tamed by mankind,
 8 But no man can tame the tongue, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
 9 With it we bless God, the Father, and with it we curse men, who are made after the likeness of God.
 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing.  My brothers, these things ought not to be.
 11 Does a fountain send out at the same place sweet water and bitter?
 12 Can the fig tree, my brothers, produce olive berries?  Or a vine, figs?  So no fountain can yield both salt water and fresh.
 13 Who is a wise man, possessing knowledge among you?  Let him show out of a good lifestyle his works with meekness of wisdom.
 14 But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, don't glory, and don't lie against the truth.
 15 This wisdom doesn't descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
 16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be reasoned with, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
 18 And the fruit of righteousness is planted in peace by those who make peace.

___James chapter 4
 1 Where do wars and fightings among you come from?  Don't they come from your lusts that war in your members?
 2 You lust, and don't have, you kill, and desire to have, and can't obtain, you fight and war, yet you don't have, because you don't ask.
 3 You ask, and don't receive, because you ask wrongly, so you can consume it on your lusts.
 4 You adulterers and adulteresses, don't you know that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God?  Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world is an enemy of God.
 5 Do you think that the scripture says for nothing, "The spirit that lives in us lusts to envy?"
 6 But he gives more grace.  So he says, "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he'll run away from you.
 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded.
 9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and cry, let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he'll lift you up.
 11 Don't speak evil about each other, brothers.  He that speaks evil about his brother, and judges his brother, speaks evil about the law, and judges the law, but if you judge the law, you're not a doer of the law, but a judge.
 12 There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy, who are you that judges someone else?
 13 Go on now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we'll go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and make a profit,"
 14 Actually, you don't know what will happen tomorrow.  For what is your life?  It is a puff of steam, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away.
 15 For you ought to say, "Lord willing, we'll live, and do this, or that."
 16 But now you rejoice in your boastings, all such rejoicing is evil.
 17 Therefore to him that knows to do good, and doesn't do it, to him it is sin.

___James chapter 5
 1 Go on now, you rich men, cry and howl for your miseries that shall come on you.
 2 Your riches are corrupted, and your clothes are moth eaten.
 3 Your gold and silver are rusted, and the rust of them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh like fire.  You've heaped treasure together for the last days.
 4 See, the wages of the laborers who have reaped down your fields, which you've kept back by fraud, shouts, and the shouts of those who've reaped have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabbath.
 5 You've lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton, you've nourished your hearts, like in a day of slaughter.
 6 You've condemned and killed the just, and he doesn't resist you.
 7 Be patient therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord.  See, the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, and has long patience for it, until he receives the early and latter rain.
 8 You also be patient.  Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is getting near.
 9 Don't grudge against each other, brothers, so you won't be condemned, see, the judge stands at the door.
 10 Take, my brothers, the prophets, who've spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience.
 11 See, we count them happy that endure.  You've heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord, that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
 12 But above all things, my brothers, don't swear, not by heaven, nor by the earth, nor by any other oath, but let your yes be yes, and your no, no, so that you don't fall into condemnation.
 13 Is anyone among you afflicted?  Let him pray.  Is anyone merry?  Let him sing psalms.
 14 Is anyone sick among you?  Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord,
 15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up, and if he has committed sins, he'll be forgiven.
 16 Confess your faults to each other, and pray for each other so you'll be healed.  The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man accomplishes a lot.
 17 Elijah was a man subject to the same kind of passions that we are, and he prayed earnestly that it wouldn't rain, and it didn't rain on the earth for three years and six months.
 18 And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.
 19 Brothers, if any of you strays from the truth, and someone converts him,
 20 Let him know, that he that converts the sinner from the error of his ways shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.